Allah, the Exalted, said in Surat Al-Hijr
﴾وَاخْفِضْ جَنَاحَكَ لِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ﴿
This means: [And be humble with the believers].
O’ beloved ones, if we were to look at and contemplate the social realities around us, we would notice the disengaged and distant relationships between many parents and their children. Some parents do not even recognise the need to extend kindness and mercy to their children, which is needed for them to have a stable and secure life. In fact, some fathers even believe that treating their children with compassion and mercy is unmanly, and that nurturing children is better when the approach is rough and tough. They are delusional in believing that treating their children with compassion leads the children to become spoilt and undisciplined. Rather, how many children have run away from home because of their father’s unwise harshness and have become lost and deviated. How many fathers have regretted being the cause, after it became too late!
We do not deny that a child sometimes requires firmness to discipline them, but only within the boundaries of wisdom. For, raising children is an art that should result in the child growing up to loving his father, and remembering his mercy during his/her childhood, while also being mindful of the reasons for any strictness received from the father, when needed.
Moreover, the Ayah- which figuratively translates to [And lower your wings to the believers], is literally a command to have a lenient, humble, and compassion approach with those who believe. Al-Qurtubiyy said in his exegesis: ‘The origin of the metaphor is that if a bird is to hold its hatchling close, it spreads its wings and encloses the hatchling. Thus, it was used as an analogy for a person to keep his/her followers abreast.’
And lowering the wing to believers includes to the elderly and the young, the relatives and the non-relatives; which essentially include the wife and children (both male and female). Undoubtedly, if the proper care and attention is given to children as they are growing up, this will result in an upright and good generation.
The Prophet ﷺ, is the best example of how to be a father and a grandfather, known in history, which all fathers and grandfathers ought to follow. For, his attributes ﷺ were complete with mercy, compassion, guidance and nurture – the mercy of Prophetism and the kindness of fatherhood. He used to attend to the needs of his children and grandchildren from birth, never neglecting them, and rejoicing in their birth, whether a boy or girl. He also gave them the finest of names and sought what for them only what is in their best interest. He was saddened if one of them fell ill and he used to hold them close and kiss them.
When some of the nomads came to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ , they found it strange that the Muslims would kiss their children. They said, “By Allah, we have never kissed our children”. To that the Messenger of Allah said: “I cannot place compassion in your hearts if Allah has removed it”.
When Ibrahim the Prophet’s son passed away, approximately at the age of two years, the Prophet ﷺ wept in mourning and said (what means): “The eye will indeed tear-up, and the heart will indeed be full of sorrow, but we shall say only what is accepted by our Lord, and we O’ Ibrahim, are grieving by your departure”. In another narration, it is related that he ﷺ said to his companions: “Do not enshroud him until I look at him”, and he approached him and embraced him and wept.
About how the Messenger ﷺ used to deal with his grandchildren; it is narrated that he was once giving a speech when Al-Hassan and Al-Hussein approached him wearing red garments, tripping and then standing back up as they walked. The Prophet ﷺ paused his speech and came down to them, carried them and then went back up to the minbar. It was also narrated that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ used to pray holding Umamah, the daughter of his daughter Zaynab ﷺ. When he prostrated, he would place her down, and when he stood up, he would carry her again.
Behold! the great compassion of the master of messengers ﷺ, and heed it yourself, and encourage others to follow his example in treating children. Indeed, being humble with children is not a weakness of the heart!
Certainly, a father should not raise his child by undue harshness and by exceeding the limits of strictness. How many fathers have been tough with their young children resulting in the child growing up to being corrupt and ungrateful! As adults, such mistreated children do not give their parents due gratitude and remember only the encounters of harshness from their parents; a memory that breaks the father’s heart. We are not here approving the resulting behaviour of such mistreated children. We are merely reflecting on what leads to such circumstances, to avoid it.
In conclusion, we are in desperate need to benefit from the prophetic teachings and to follow the biography of the greatest of creations. Indeed, there are no manners grander than those of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, and no approach better than that of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.
Allah the Exalted Knows Best
